Why Spirit may not come through?

Arlene Mills
5 min readFeb 1


Have you ever had a mediumship reading where the reading was lacking in details, or your loved one did not come through? This is a terrible feeling and I completely understand how disheartening it can be. However, there are a few reasons for why spirit may not come through.

Let’s say you’ve booked a mediumship reading, you’re anticipating it for days or weeks. You’re excited, you can’t wait to hear from a certain loved one who has passed on. And then the day comes and the reading happens and — your loved one is not there. Instead, Uncle Bob from generations past may be the one to come through, or some other family member you don’t even know that well.

You may feel devastated and think, how come they don’t love me, the person you really wanted to hear from? And in the end, you may even forget most of the reading because the spirit who came through wasn’t the one you wanted to hear from.

Now, why is that? Why is it that sometimes when we go to see a medium, spirit doesn’t come through? There are actually a few very good reasons for why spirit may not come through in a mediumship reading.

Spirit doesn’t come through because of a weak connection

Firstly, I’d like to say — it’s not you!

If your family does not show up, it is not because your family doesn’t love you or doesn’t want to visit and leave messages. It’s often in the blending of the medium and spirit world where we find that spirit may not come through. Blending with the spirit world is not always a sure thing each and every day, and this can greatly impact who comes through and who doesn’t.

So, a very likely cause is that it may be the medium who is not blending with the spirit world very well. This happens occasionally, and it potentially happens to both beginners and experienced mediums. We are all human and blending with spirit may be affected more on one day versus another. There are many professionals and seasoned mediums who sometimes read for the person sitting across from them and still have difficulty. Please do not be discouraged; your family in spirit does indeed love you. They just may not be able to use that particular medium to communicate.

It’s very similar to how in life, we do not always get along with or become strong friends with every single person we meet. There are times at the office, at work, or parties that we find ourselves staying away from some people and more attracted to others.

This is exactly how I feel aboutblending with the spirit world — some spirits will be drawn to me, others will not. This, I would say, is the case for all mediums. The spirit world needs to trust a medium and get along with the personality of the medium in order to communicate and provide information about their life. The same way we need to get along well with someone before we become friends. Sharing one’s life is a personal thing, so the spirit and the medium do have a relationship during the reading.

Would you engage with someone on Earth that you didn’t particularly care for? Likely not! So consider that the spirit world does the same when blending with a medium, and the medium must be able to hold the connection of the spirit that is in the spirit world.

This is often the reason for why spirit may not come through; purely, it is the connection between the medium and spirit.

The medium may be new

If a medium is just beginning the amazing journey of reading for others, and being of service to the spirit world, they may not have the full expectation that your family or loved one will blend with them.

A newer medium may not be able to hold or sustain the power needed to read for someone and bring evidence through. A newer medium may also be fishing for information and using the mind rather than the soul — a common and misunderstood mistake new mediums can make!

These are all areas of growth for many mediums and reasons why your connection to your family may not be strong. It is my hope that you don’t shy away from giving a newer medium the experience of reading for you in order for them to grow, but to consider your expectations if this is the case.

Can a sitter cause a spirit to not come through?

As a sitter, when going into a reading, always consider that if there are strong feelings going on with yourself, that has potential to affect outcomes. Your willingness to engage assists the medium. Allow yourself not to be fearful but allow the experience to occur.

Maybe you have lost a person recently and are desperate for them to come through. Sometimes the intense need to reach someone can cause a reading to not go as well as you would want. Not to worry though — your family is still there, and they love you immensely.

If you’re a newer medium, one note of caution is not to assume that you are blocked or that you are not a good enough reader. This kind of beliefs and thinking will not help as the mind is a powerful thing and thinking this way will only interfere even more with future readings and connection. This spirit world is aware and will help you along your journey.

Go into a reading with an open mind and heart. At the end of the day, it is important to know that a medium does not select and choose who comes through and who doesn’t. That is entirely up to the spirit world to decide!

Remember that your spirit family loves you no matter what

There are many reasons why a family member does not come through, but I assure you it’s not because they don’t love you. A medium may bring other family members through and not the one you had hoped for. However, remember that the loved one in spirit is waiting and hopeful for you, sending loving thoughts. There is a medium for everyone who is able to blend, and provide the evidence of survival after passing from Earth.

Many blessings to you!




Arlene Mills

Arlene Mills is a dedicated and trusted psychic and spiritual medium living in Victoria BC. Visit her website and book online with her at www.arlenemills.com